I’ve been wanting to tell this story for some time. I didn’t know I had to write it all out before I can finally begin healing. Instead, I’ve been keeping it bottled inside and the anger I’ve felt from it has made me absolutely miserable. Even though this is not my main blog, I wanted to post this on here. To be honest, I’m afraid of what my sister and family will say when they see this. And I’m still scared to speak up about what has happened in my life. To anybody that knows me personally, I am shy and quiet. I don’t have many friends. I’m not so shy that I am afraid to talk to people, but I spend a lot of time by myself. And that’s okay. If that’s how I feel comfortable, I don’t see what’s wrong with that. I have many piano students of mine that I talk to every day. it’s just that on some days, I like to watch YouTube or take a nap by myself. Because of my personality, I believe it’s easy to pick on me. In my life, there have been instances where I’ve been yelled at, taken financially advantage of, and manipulated to feel like I’m worthless. I don’t hold anger over those situations anymore, but I still feel upset about how my family has treated me over the last couple of years.
Every family is different. My family enjoys keeping a good public image and spending money. With vacations or meals, they spend a lot of money on expensive things. I’m the opposite. I don’t need to eat lobster in order to be happy. I like eating the same meal a couple days in a row. And I don’t need to get my food delivered when I can go pick it up. Anyways, the only person that I can honestly say that has been nice to me is my oldest sister. Through bad times, she has stuck up for me. When my second oldest sister continued to bash me in front of everyone, she was the one to try to stop it.
I worked at my second oldest sister’s law firm. I was excited to learn. And I picked up things quickly. There were so many things that I loved while I worked there. Originally, my sister said that I was an intern. I was okay with that even if I was unpaid. I thought my payment was going to be through experience and being able to learn. Things were okay. She told me that I could bring my lsat books there to study if I wanted to. And sometimes I did. When days were less hectic, I opened my books. I felt guilty doing so. Just like any job, I would feel guilty not doing the work I was supposed to do. She had told me it was okay so I did it. At the end of the day, she called me into her office to yell at me for studying.
My job was simple. I helped file papers, scan documents, mail forms, answer phone calls, check the statuses of all the family cases, and more. At the end of that particular day, there were no more tasks to do. I asked the head of the family cases department if she needed help. She said no. I asked the traffic cases department and they said no. I don’t understand why I was being yelled at and told I was not doing anything. My sister claimed I wasn’t working when I supposed to be. She wasn’t even there most of the day to see me working. I ended up not saying anything. Again, I didn’t know what to say. I tried not to be upset and I kept my mouth shut. She continued to say how if I wasn’t her sister, I would have been fired a long time ago. I think back to that phrase often and I think I know why she said that. She was upset that I was doing something for myself. She wanted all my time and effort to be on her, and if I was working to improve myself, I was taking advantage of her. That was not the case. I often worked overtime for her. The duration of my unofficial employment there was 3-4 months. I was never paid, given set hours to work, or had an official job title. When I asked her what my title was, she said I was the assistant’s assistant. Remember when I told you I was supposedly an intern? I guess not. She didn’t consider me an intern or else she would have treated me as one. I worked there 18 hours a week all unpaid with no mention of an official job.
When we had a new staff member, no one had time to train her. I decided to help out and take the my original day off to come back in to the office to train her. The new staff member, besides the main staff, treated me like I was scum. I could understand. I was clearly unpaid. If I was just the assistant’s assistant, would you respect me either? As days went by, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I kept my composure on the inside and I never officially told my sister how I felt. Working with her in the beginning was the best, but the last couple of weeks were some of the worst. She made me feel useless, incompetent, and worthless. I understand if I did something wrong and she corrected it, but I felt like I was used. I can’t justify the treatment I received by her. At the law firm, everyone is treated as an assistant unless you’re an attorney. The work environment becomes hostile and mostly turns into a popularity contest. I wish I hadn’t wasted my time there. I should have been studying more diligently for my lsat instead and working somewhere else to make some money.
It has been multiple years of ongoing verbal abuse and belittlement. In my family, it is a popularity contest. When I talk to my dad, he’ll walk away mid-sentence. The same thing happens when I talk to my second oldest sister. When she speaks to me about her day, I’m expected to listen. Once I begin sharing something about myself, they stop listening and walk away. The other day when I was talking to my family, they were annoyed with the sound of my voice. When they were speaking, I was listening. And when I started talking, they complained that I wasn’t making any sense. I understand that they probably want to talk and for me not to reply. Some people like the sound of their own voices I guess. When we talk now, I try to keep it brief. For any interaction, I keep my distance. I know that it’s better to try and live a happier life without them than to consistently be miserable with them.
I’m not going to lie. There were many days when I cried because of their treatment. I remember crying when my dad ignored me. I cried on the floor when my mom said I was a stupid girl. I felt heartbroken when my second oldest sister yelled at me in front of everyone. I can’t take back my time and energy I’ve lost to them, but I want to try making a change. I want to put my story out into the world so I can finally be heard.
For many days now, whenever they belittle me, I don’t say anything. I become silent. They continue talking and belittling regardless if I reply. I know there’s nothing I can do to change this. For so much of my life, I’ve lost any happiness I could have had because I was sad over my family. With my husband and dog, I’ve felt for the first time in my life a family that I truly enjoy being in. There’s no need to uphold a public image that makes me look good. I don’t have to beg my dog to hang out with me. With my sister, I have to beg her to hang out with me privately. They exclude me from events and hangouts. Even for my wedding, I had to beg them to come. I saved the email where my dad told me he isn’t coming to my wedding.
I don’t know where to go from here. I feel fine not having that family close to me. It’s been exhausting to pick myself back up each time they push me down. I was too scared to share this story, but I hope that someone finds it helpful. Stick up for yourself. If someone tells you that you are stupid and that you’re alone, distance yourself from them. They are my family not by choice.
Written by a strong woman 